Final Fantasy All The Bravest (iOS) [Review]

Final Fantasy makers Square Enix have be focusing on the mobile market quite a bit lately, hell, not to long ago they released a brand new retro-style full Final Fantasy game (Final Fantasy Dimensions), and now here's another game bearing the Final Fantasy name.  Unlike the other FF titles available on the App Store though, this one doesn't cost you an arm and a leg...initially, that is.

To say Final Fantasy All The Bravest is a bad game would be a lie... but so would saying it's a good game too-- because it is barely a game at all.  The game's store page promises "the return of the Active Time Battle System" and "the largest parties in the series history!".  Both of those things sound super rad, right? Well I've got some bad news for you, there's no ATB system in this game because there isn't really a battle system at all, and yeah the parties are huge (up to 35 characters!) but they are all functionally identical and not at all customizable.  There's no strategy involved, all characters can only attack (yes, even white mages), and your party members die instantly after one hit.  Therefore, the only real "gameplay" is poking your characters once their "active time meter" has filled.  That's it.  No commanding your troops, no strategy, no nothing.  It's so simple, in fact, the most effective way to play is to just to run your finger up and down the right side of the screen like you are giving your phone (or iPad or whatever) some sort of sensual rubdown.  It's barely interactive at all-- it has more in common with one of those baby activity centers (touch something and receive stimuli!) than a video game.

[caption id="attachment_3923" align="aligncenter" width="502"] Final Fantasy: All The Bravest is like this, but with less to do.[/caption]

To point out the obvious at this point, Final Fantasy All The Rubbing, is not worth the $3.99 cost of admission.  You'd think that after Square Enix swindled you out of your four bucks they'd leave well enough alone, but oh no, they do not let the gauging end there.  If you lose all of your party members in battle, you've got two options (one of which isn't to lose the game, surprisingly, you CAN'T really lose) pay $.99 to bring everybody back right away with a magic hourglass, or wait 3 minutes for each little Final Fantasy guy to crawl back into battle.  The whole experience is an asinine waste of time.  But wait, there's more! You can buy additional courses based on other Final Fantasies (right now VII, X, and XIII) for another $3.99!  Your in-game party lacking in familiar faces from the game's past? Drop $0.99 and receive ONLY ONE classic Final Fantasy character for your team.  This sounds alright, except the character you get is selected at random, like getting a booster pack for a trading card game with one card in it, and the game you play with them is less complicated than 52 pickup.  It's micro-transaction overkill for a game that is practically a screensaver.  Don't expect anything in the way of story or plot either-- the "plot" consists of some intro text and touching from one battle to the next by pressing on blips on the map screen, which is not something one would expect from a Final Fantasy game.  You go into a FF game expecting a grand story full of grandiose adventure.

I'd be remiss not to mention the game has some excellent presentation though.  The classic sprite graphics look crazy crisp, and the selection of classic Final Fantasy tunes is top notch.  The animations of all your little party members are a joy to watch as they jump around the screen flashing blades and casting spells.  The game knows how to expertly push your nostalgia buttons with it's familiar tunes and characters too-- but cute sprites, animations, and nostalgia cannot carry a game alone.

When it gets right down to it, I just can't recommend a game this simple for a price this steep.  Even $0.99 seems like a lot of money to drop for something so brain-dead.  I could understand--maybe-- if the game was free and then they made their profit from the multitude of micro-transactions, but that's not the case here.  They want your $3.99 up front, and folks, it is just not worth it.  This kind of weak gameplay combined with in-app purchases may work on those rubes who play Farmville, but this is Final Fantasy for crying out loud, anybody who is going into this game has played a real game before (or else why would they be interested in a pixel-infused trip though FF past?) and can tell when they are being spoon fed garbage.

PXT Final Verdict: 1.5/10

If you're intrested in a nostaglia fueled trip through Final Fantasy history with actual gameplay, I'd suggest Theatrythm Final Fantasy.